puellarina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- gentle burial It's time for the burial. You were born, sheathed in the red blood. Now that you have died, I will rub your body with the color of old blood. The brown of the earth. You started with your head, the first time, but now we will start with your feet. The strong feet and their tortured toe nails and deep rooted warts. Your loose ankles with the black hair curling there. On to the sturdy pirate calves, the knees, the furry thighs, your soft manly places. The strong small of your back, the length of your lovely spine, your broad shoulder blades. Your long arms and fingers with the huge fingernails, hanging heavily at the ends. Your nice neck and it's big brown mole. Your poor chin, your poor front teeth, your strange little nose, your big sad eyes... Your dark, silky hair and the two crisp ears that hide in it. Goodbye to your body. All slathered in brown. Okay, now, goodbye to the dream of you. For that I'll put in the grave with you, our agates and our stones. The big manzanita branch that decorated our home. I'll add pictures of us holding hands, firmly, against your family's poisoned christmases. Let's also put in the acorns we gathered last fall. The letters to eachother. The little gifts that mostly I gave. And, of course, that necklace I couldn't love. For the goodbye of the real you, I'll put in that feeling of abandonment. Shame. rejection. lonliness. I'll put the pretty nightie thing you didn't like me to wear. The sexy clothes you liked to ignore me in. The drawings and paintings I lovingly painted of you, ignoring me. Wishing to be anywhere else. The continuous guilt you felt about not really loving me. All that can go. I will send in the shaman lady now, and let her tell you what to do. She will tell you not to look back. She will say that you must now cover yourself in the blackness, in order to move toward the light. She will bid you eat the meal I make for you and take the tools I laid beside you, and go with all that you reaped into the next world. And I will wail now, that urdh will hear how your leaving is too hard for me. How I am too weak to do this on my own. And she may come to both of our aid and bring us gently apart. Completely apart. 10:14 p.m. - 2004-08-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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