puellarina's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nawfeestern feeling I only need a place to put this feeling for now. Because it's time again to focus on the work. This feeling, which was so eclipsed by my joy at finally being on my own, is now sliding out from under it's silky cover. "I'm still here," it says. "You haven't gotten rid of me..." I knew it a little bit, but I just hate the feeling. It is like the onset of a wave of sickness. It is a feeling that feels like, "oh now, here it comes..." but that's all the feeling ever is. Nothing ever comes except more suspense and more emptiness which is an opening for a temptation to throw all that I have worked so hard for, completely to the wind. Just to bring on a premature contraction. Couldn't I just get down in the cups so far that I end up puking a whole night away and dying into a void of sleep? Wouldn't then, I wake up in the mornig cleansed of you? Wouldn't you be gone? Or just temporarily buried in a different kind of sickness and dissillusionment. One I create myself, to cover the one that is created by you. The one created by you- the one I can't undo. But I'll leave you here, for now. On the "page". To wait 8 hours or so, to meet me on the lonely, dark bicycle lane, on NE Burnside, headed for home. 3:19 p.m. - 2004-07-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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