puellarina's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fran's velvet croak

Dear Fran,

Your daddy died, how many years ago? It hurts your head and your heart, but you must think about it. The day you buried him, they told you, there was nothing to fear anymore. You were free. But what's a bird to do? Out of it's cage, accosted by the endless blue sky. Daddy's gone, you have only everything to fear.

Dear Fran,

We are all so young. We listen to the tunes on the radio, we talk about hair and drugs and our tiny little cozy futures. It's all a subtle game for us. Being sexy, being cool, getting love in whatever bent little form we can find it. But, you've known love, haven't you Fran. And it's bigger than that. You've no time for our petty youth, and yet how old do you feel? We exclude you for all the wrong reasons. How cruel the children are. How you love the children, and how cruel the children are.

Dear Fran,

So what was liberation, after all? For you? For the women, whose daddies died? Was love ever to fill the gaps in your wings? I sit in my soggy 26 year old diaper, wondering what kind of shit I'll be sitting in at your age. What kind of shit are you sitting in, Fran? angry shit, sad shit, lonely, lost and guilty shit. Your life is a love story where the joy of fulfillment is never consummated. Not with Chris, not with daddy and not all by yourself, with the novella, the autobiography, the PHD, the certainty that you are worth more than this.

Dear Fran,

Thankyou for being what you are, and who you are. I hope one day I will be old enough to appreciate much better, the burning lesson your pain has brought brightly flowing past my vision. Brief, and yet still lingering. Your pain will be part of my dreams, it will wear my pain and my face and the face of my mother and all the women I love. There is no box for your pain. Your pain is too lovely for containment. And my gratitude is still growing.

11:00 a.m. - 2004-05-11

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

k9shrink
barabbas
diaryquotes
Fragiletree
hopscotch
ophelia
paperbridges
reddirtgirl
squirrelx
tigerbody
lovejunky
orangepeeler
likeaforest
meism
mcearstix
dead-slug
fuschia
seethingblue
loathe